This week's focus was on the issue of teenage fathers. As we learned from the Guest speaker, Mrs. Begg (or previous experiences) many teenage fathers have the option whether or not they should be a good father. Most teenage fathers barely know/ understand what it takes to actually be a "good father". Thanks to modern day society a lot of fathers look at parenting as an option rather than a priority or responsibility. Not saying that this is the case with every teenage father, but because of the way society is shaped teenage fathers seem to carry on less responsibility than the teenage mother. The mother is viewed as the primary care provider, while the father is viewed as the secondary. The mother is the nurturer, while the father is the "bread winner".
Just from watching episodes of 16 and pregnant, one can see that it takes a lot more than just money to raise a child (although finances are very important aspects of raising children). According to a recent study, cited in an article featured in Time magazine (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1074862-2,00.html), many teenage fathers are trying to become more involved in their child's life. The issue is that many of the teenage fathers are still confused of what it actually takes to be a "good father". Society has brainwashed many of these young fathers to believe that in order to become a good father they must financially provide for their child (as if that is the only responsibility that they have when it comes to raising a child).
What do you think it takes to be considered a "good father"? Do you think that society's expectations of fatherhood will prevent young fathers from being good Dads? let me know what you guys think.
Simone McGary
http://proquest.umi.com/pqdlink?Ver=1&Exp=02-23-2016&FMT=7&DID=1090632841&RQT=309 [Journal Article/ Study I refer to in my comment]
ReplyDeleteI'm glad this course has taken sometime to examine fatherhood. I think so much attention is placed on motherhood and mothering a child. I also think that society has a tendency to replace most of the responsibility of a child on the mother. I mean think about it, when a lost child is wandering around the store, what's the first thing a stranger might ask the child, "Where's your mommy?" Some may ask "Where are your parents?", but I doubt many would ask "Where's your daddy?” placing the sole responsibility upon the father. Also, motherhood is expected to be automatic. I’m sure we have all heard those phases, “mother instincts” or “mother’s intuition”. It’s like women are expected to innately know how to mother their child. However, I have never heard a man talk about his “fatherly instincts” or his “father’s intuition led him to believe that something wasn’t quite right with his child”. Who knows, this could be attributed to societal beliefs about what it means to be masculine and feminine. Since men are supposed to be “emotionless” and distant from their feelings, it would make since that they wouldn’t discuss having an intuition when it comes to their children.
Addressing your question, I found a journal article/study on fatherhood and what some men believe a good father should be. To my surprise, the top quality the fathers rated as a good quality of a father was not provider (Provider was in in the top five, ranking in at number five). This surprised me because I’ve met and read about many men who honestly believe that as long as they are providing for their children financially, that makes them the best father alive. While money is nice to have for certain needs, money cannot buy some of the things the father in study considered traits of the good father. The men in this study considered love and availability as the top two qualities of being a good father. I couldn’t agree with that more. Availability and being “there” really goes a long way in a relationship. I have a friend who is somewhat bitter towards her father because although he always paid his child support and provided for her financially, he wasn’t available or apart of her life. She expressed that she would have much rather have had him physically available to her than sending her a check every month. Regarding love, of course this is important. Some people can argue that you can show a person you love them through finances, but I don’t think that love is as substantial as giving your time, availability, and involvement. A good father gives all of those willing and consistently.
Ashley B.
We touched on this in class a few weeks ago, but there has to be a recognition in the fact that marriages used to occur for economic reasons. Which meant that the wife would stay home to take care of the house and raise the kids while the husband went to work so the couple could afford a house and food for the kids. Fathers in today's society have to realize that with the shift into a marriage founded on love, that other factors have to change.
ReplyDeleteTo me, being a "good father" does mean just being there for the kid, being there to play with toys around the house or just on the living room floor. But sometimes it also means being supportive and interested in the child's life. Sometimes parents (mine included) that all a kid is interested in is being loved. If every physical thing is stripped away, what are you left with? Your personality and conversation. Being in a child's life means being connected to them on a deeper level. Getting to know your child is a lifelong journey which can involve both parental units if both are willing to invest in their child forever.
Claire L.